Let's Normalize a Different Path!
I understand and empathize with the reality of incessant, daily abuse.
I also understand and empathize with the reality of experiencing a dehumanizing event...what do I mean by a dehumanizing event? Isn't all abuse dehumanizing?
Yes, yes, 100% all abuse is dehumanizing. The drive-by swipes at you, the nasty comments in meetings, the smirks and secret conversations that are clearly about you, the exclusion from meetings and groups, the humiliation rituals...on and on the list goes.
Those are things that are daily occurrences. In the abuse cycle, those can be considered tension-building activities...until eventually there is an interaction that is so outlandishly abusive, it takes your breath away. It's not like the abuse you experience daily - it can be a public humiliation where the bully lies about you in front of others in such a way that they are believed, it can be an interaction with the two of you where you are treated with such contempt and disgust that it is deeply painful....it can be an experience in a group where you are treated so unfairly and disparately that it's unfathomable and utterly shocking, you can't believe it's real.
In other words, there's an event that hurts so much that your threshold has been met. You can take no more abuse. And you share this experience with others and you ponder on your own and you decide you are going to go to HR!
Please, I beg of you, no, do not go to HR. Your situation will escalate. The conversation will absolutely NOT be confidential. If you thought you were in misery before, just want until HR is involved....the system by which to submit a grievance about abuse at work is abusive and retraumatizing. There *will* be more harm.
Normalizing seeking support from workplace abuse experts and advocates before you go to HR. Your situation may very well require you go to HR, but you should NEVER go to HR on a whim - and that's what typically happens when the dehumanizing event occurs between you and the bully. You simply want someone to step in and stop the abuse! It is not that easy. It doesn't work that way.
Engaging with HR requires a careful, well-thought out plan and support in place. The level of gaslighting, manipulation and crazy-making that comes from engaging with HR will absolutely lead to more harm. This is not a joke and I do not say this lightly.
Reach out today and schedule an initial consult with me. I will help bring another perspective to your situation and provide guidance on next steps.
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Be kind, be good...and always keep your head on a swivel - Lauri, Founder of WBP
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