It's a Lovely Dream...
But that's exactly what it is, a dream.
And while my messages may be tough to read sometimes, I will always tell you the truth.
The "I'm going to be super, super nice and win the abuser over with my wonderful personality and kindness" strategy is one that is destined to fail.
Abusers abuse. They've selected you to abuse.
We're not dealing with a personality conflict. A personality conflict doesn't lead individuals to having such incredible health impacts that they have to take medical leave.
Give me a break.
The "nice strategy" as I'll call it is similar to fawning. Bullies love to be fawned over, and, admittedly, when I was abused at work, I used fawning strategically to minimize the impact of the abuse on occasion. But I did it strategically knowing full well that it was a TEMPORARY measure to minimize the abuse and that being extra nice and fawning was not a method to stop the abuse all together. The extra nice, fawning method simply gave the abuser that special ego boost they so desperately need to carry on in life. They need it like they need air. They start to gasp and shrivel right before you if their fragile ego is not regularly tended to and cared for and boosted. Thinking of their ego like a battery - to keep the abuser temporarily happy (and it is NOT a guarantee), you can be nice and fawn them briefly...but, it's never enough for an abuser. They are built to abuse. So, if you feed the monster every so often with a bit of fawning and niceness, they may not bite as bad, but that's temporary because they need non-stop fawning. There isn't enough nice in the world or fawning in the world to stop the abuse. Doesn't exist.
This can't be your strategy. And if it is, please reach out right away and schedule a discovery call with me - I'm here to help you, just as I've helped hundreds of people around the globe!
Be kind, be good...and always keep your head on a swivel - Lauri
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